 Sonora, Ca – Four long years we have waited since that mysterious sign went up, touting the strange combination of waffles n' ribs. Oh, and what an arduous four years it was; it felt way more like eight. A presidential election, bank failures, foreclosures, job cuts and a faltering economy, made Jeb's at least one glimmer of hope on the horizon. It promised jobs and best of all, the unique marriage of waffles and ribs. The long vacant eatery became a boon for wild speculation and gossip mongers – yours truly. The name itself sparked the imagination and helped 42.25% of Tuolumne County to remember, “Yes, we can.”, and the other 64.24% 54.88% to believe in “Change we need.” , giving T.C. locals something fun to look forward to, a hope that something new and better was just about to come our way.
Jeb's has been slinging food for about a month now and needless to say, this writer was waiting with bated anticipation for what might have been a new and interesting place to eat. Things seem to be looking up. The economy is doing slightly better, and Jeb's is open for business. Finally, the wait has come to an end and Tuolumne County finally has its Jeb's, so I drag my family out to dinner, with empty tummies and open minds. But, like so many built-up momentous occasions, the truth of the matter can be somewhat disappointing. Sure there are a few more jobs now in Tuolumne County and the American economy is showing signs of recovery, but some of the things promised to us are just not happening the way they ought to. Sometimes a person really has hope for a certain restaurant or a certain president, but when the reality of the world hits, there is a lot to get in the way of those idealized waffles and ribs. In fact, for some unknown reason, the odd combination has been completely taken off the table. That's right, you can't just sit down and order a plate of “Waffles and Ribs.” Sure you can shop around the menu and order ala carte, but try to keep it simple by ordering a single plate'r, and you'll find that Jeb's is merely catering to the status quo. In fact, one could go to Perko's and order waffles and ribs the same way. Ordering two plates will certainly cost more; it's inefficient, but if you have the money, you can get it. Disappointed as I am with the lack of the anticipated menu item and the name change, on this night I am quite anxious to sample the food and finally get a good look at the interior. After waiting about 25 minutes on this busy Saturday, we are finally seated by our capable and friendly waitress. I see enclosed, high-backed booths, brown Formica tables and an overbearing, srusty-brown country theme. Faux “old-timey” signs espousing the virtues of chocolate, pictures of Yosemite, and black-and-white photos of sports teams decorate the walls to create a revisionist history that reminds one more of the turn-of-the-century circa 1900 than the Gold rush of 1849. Electric kerosene lamps hang over each booth to provide a dim, private ambiance. Piped-in big-band music can be heard, not the banjo/bluegrass one might anticipate. The grubby conditions in the mens' bathroom is indicative of either a busy night, or a lack of a mid-day cleaning schedule. The decor makes the attempt at creating a rustic , homey cabin-like impression. However the overall effect is a contrived and poorly thought out. Jeb's misses the mark when shooting for that tacky, roadhouse look of Applebbes. Because the wait was so long our waitress brings out some tasty sourdough rolls fresh from the oven to tide us over before we order our mountainous piles of greasy, salty food. The menu consists of the usual crowd-pleasing American fare, lots of meats, lots of starch, the typical greasy breakfast stuff, burgers, nothing to really set it apart from anything else. So I order half of what I had anticipated all these years, “Apple Smoked BBQ Short Ribs.” I am offered a choice of two sides. I picked mashed potatoes and onion rings (almost like waffles). My wife ordered “Old Zeke's Drunk N' Chicken” which as spelled implies that an alcoholic is served with the chicken. Or maybe it's a declaration, “Chef Zeke's is drunk again and he's makin' chicken.” The menu description reads, “A filleted chicken breast marinated in brandy, herbs and spices.” My wife's choses her two sides: sage stuffing and steamed vegetables. For the kids we ordered sides of mashed potatoes and steamed veggies. Ass Piggery. The food is somewhat lacking. Though, there is so much of it, the portions almost make up for the average quality. Both my wife and I couldn't finish our enormous piles, meaning that I'm having ribs and mashed potatoes for lunch as I write this. The food was reminiscent of something one might have heaped on a tray at a cafeteria, rather than a sit-down restaurant. The ribs are like any old chain restaurant's BBQ ribs, with corporate BBQ sauce, and most likely baked. My obviously instant-mashed-potatoes are served with amazingly salty gravy. My onion rings are so-so. My wife complains that the chicken has no apparent sign of “herbs and spices”, the savory flavor substituted by a thin, brown, salty crust. The chicken breast isn't dry, thats good. The mushy, wet stuffing is served with a salty sage sauce. My wife declares the plate of food to be “not great, but edible”, also adding that the steamed vegetables are cooked well. This was not the experience I had imagined. I had envisioned the little specialty eateries in Oakland, Ca where they serve chicken and waffles, or catfish and BBQ. I was hoping for something special, something new, something delectable. The name Jeb's Waffles and Ribs promised not chain-restaurant food, but lip smacking, made with love, down-home comfort food. The Miner's Shack and the Diamondback Grill in downtown Sonora are good examples of this. Jeb's Hill Country Cooking is none of these things. I would imagine that Chick Brooks, the multimillionaire restaurateur who founded Jeb's, knows what he's doing or he would not be the restaurant tycoon that he is. Maybe he felt that Tuolumne County isn't ready for waffles and ribs on the same plate. After all, he is a business man. Give the people what they want. Maybe he felt that serving the incongruous duo would be too sophisticated for people up here in “Hill Country.” Maybe it would scare people who were used to having things the way they are. Waffles are for breakfast and ribs are for dinner and never the twain shall meet. Maybe Chick brooks is right. Maybe by virtue of how the majority of Americans feel about change, - like the kind needed in health-care for instance - we deserve instant mashed potatoes served with amazingly salty gravy, iceberg lettuce salads and BBQ sauce from a white five gallon bucket. After all, this fare is what Americans have come to expect. Why would we want to change something now? Maybe single plate'r ribs and waffles, like single payer health care, would just end up confusing and scaring people who are afraid to embrace something new and better. Obviously, somebody is doing something right, because Jeb's was packed. Eat sushi.
|
